April 21, 2023
Greetings!
This is Afro-Scope, Beaming African Ways of Life to the world through InfoTainment. Welcome to episode 8 of our AfroCultural drama series, titled, “In God’s Name.” It’s written by our dramatist, Michael Shaibu. It is about African Religions, Christianity, and ignorant destruction of the African Culture by Africans themselves. I am Harry Agina, the driver of the Afro-Scope project.
In the last episode, Kono’s Pentecostal funky pastor was getting impatient with Kono’s delay in lavishing him with “befitting thanksgiving.” And what is the thanksgiving for? As usual with fake Pentecostal Christian pastors in Africa, Kono’s pastor supposedly had a conversation with God, who told the pastor that Kono’s fortunes would have swollen far beyond the present status, if only he was not plagued by “Ancestral Curse.” But not to worry; he the pastor already interceded on Kono’s behalf with prayers and fasting. And God already lifted the curse. Now, Kono must pay God with “befitting thanksgiving,” and the payment must be through the funky pastor, of course.
Do remember that we are talking about a pastor who is supposed to emulate and represent Jesus Christ. We’re talking about the same Christ who performed miracles without charging any fees, nor did he ask anyone to offer thanksgiving to God through him or his mission. The same Christ whose only demand was repentance from sins, and righteousness. Anyway, we left Kono in the last episode right after his conversation with his funky pastor. And that was shortly after the pastor’s visit to Kono’s wife, Sela, to solicit her support to the “befitting thanksgiving.” It’s time to find out what happens next, “In God’s Name,” thus:
IN GOD’S NAME 8
- INSIDE, IN KONO’S OFFICE. DAY.
KONO’S PHONE STILL RINGING. IT SHOWS SELA CALLING... AS HE PICKS THE CALL…
KONO: Hey Honey!
PULL OUT AND SPLIT SCREEN TO ACCOMMODATE THE TWO SCENES…
SELA: Is everything okay, Love?
KONO: Of course! Why did you ask?
SELA: Well, I have been calling. But your line has been busy.
KONO: Yeah, I am sorry. The pastor was speaking with me. I was going to call you back as soon as we finished.
SELA: Oh, okay. Did he tell you he was just leaving here?
KONO: Of course. And he was praising you to high heavens. What did you do that impressed him so much?
SELA: Uh…I wouldn’t know. Why didn’t you ask him?
KONO: Would you have asked him if you were me?
SELA (Chuckles a bit): Anyway, I think he tried to get me to agree with him that a lavish thanksgiving would be needed. But I managed to wriggle out of it.
KONO: I see. How did you do that?
SELA: Well, I told him that in matters of worship, the Bible indicates that the husband should take the lead.
KONO (Chuckles a bit): How wise! As if you really do let me take the lead!
SELA: But I do! Voicing my opinion is not the same as struggling for leadership with you.
KONO: Okay, okay, okay! I quite get your point. I was only making a bit of joke.
SELA: Very well. So…how did he praise me to high heaven?
KONO (Smiles): You would love to know that, wouldn’t you? Anyway, maybe another time. For now, I have work to do. I have not done anything at all since I got to the office.
THEY SAY GOOBYES AND CUT THE CALL…
- INSIDE, IN A CHURCH AUDITORIUM; IN THE MORNING
A PASTOR CALLED DADDY GABRIEL IS AT THE PULPIT IN THE LARGE AUDITORIUM OF HIS CHURCH, PREACING TO HIS LARGE CONGREGATIONP…
DADDY GABRIEL: Let me tell you something, people; there’s no such thing as the African Culture. Are you hearing me? And now that you are Christian, don’t promote it.
AN ELDERLY MAN, AGED ABOUT 60, CONSPICUOUSLY GETS UP AMONG THE CROWD IN THE AUDITORIUM AND WALKS TOWARDS THE EXIT DOOR. THEN BACK TO THE PASTOR…
DADDY GABRIEL: Have you ever seen what they call African dance? What is it like?…
- OUTSIDE, IN THE CHURCH COMPOUND; SAME TIME
THE MAN WHO LEFT THE AUDITORIUM IS STORMING OUT THROUGH THE DOOR. A WOMAN IS HURRIEDLY ON HIS TAIL, CALLING OUT TO HIM…
THE WOMAN: Honey, honey, honey, wait a minute!
THE MAN STOPS, TURNS AROUND TO FACE THE WOMAN…
THE WOMAN: What is the matter, honey?
THE MAN (Sarcastic): Why do you ask?
THE WOMAN: Darling, it’s obvious the way you left, that something is the matter. So, what is it?
THE MAN: Of course, something is the matter! Did you hear that ignorant fool? (MIMICKS THE PASTOR)…“There’s no such thing as African Culture.” What an ignorant fool!
THE WOMAN: Darling, bring down your voice. Remember that he is our pastor, and…
THE MAN (Cuts in angrily): Your pastor, not mine! I have warned you about blindly and foolishly following these wealth-hunting Pentecostal pastors in Nigeria.
THE WOMAN: But honey, this is the biggest and most anointed man of God in the entire Africa. He is…
THE MAN (Cuts in, furious) There you go again! Woman, I am a Sociologist! And that fool just said that Africa has no culture, in the misguided name of God. It’s a sociological aberration.
THE WOMAN: But, honey, he’s a man of God and…
THE MAN TURNS AND WALKS OFF…
Cut…
- INT. PASTOR’S OFFICE. DUSK.
THE PASTOR IS PRAYING, MIXING SPEAKING-IN-TONGUES. A KNEELING LADY IS CHANTING “AMEN” AGAIN AND AGAIN. FINALLY, THE PASTOR SCREAMS “IN JESUS’ MIGHTY NAME. AND THE LADY ADLIBS A LONG “AMEN”.
PASTOR: Please, rise and sit, sister.
LADY: Thank you, pastor.
PASTOR: Sister, while praying it was revealed to me that you have a husband in the spirit realm.
LADY (Shocked): What?! Oh, my God!
PASTOR: Don’t be dismayed. As long as God has revealed it to me, it means He is now prepared to set you free.
LADY (Joyfully): Amen! Praise the Lord! Amen!
PASTOR: Yes! So, we must exorcise that spirit husband out of your life, or getting pregnant is going to be only a dream for you.
LADY: I am ready and very prepared, pastor! But…may I ask a question?
PASTOR: Oh, of course! Ask.
LADY: I mean…how is this possible?
PASTOR: Good. If you had not asked that, I would have doubted your faith. The possibility of it is in your ancestral religion. It was revealed to me that your ancestors worshipped a very strong marine spirit. And when they found it difficult to have a child, they promised the marine spirit that their first child, if a daughter, would be given to it as wife. Apparently, it skipped all the generations and landed on you.
LADY (Puzzled): But pastor, even my great, great grandfather was-
KNOCKS ON THE OPEN DOOR CUT THE LADY SHORT. BOTH SHE AND THE PASTOR LOOK THERE. KONO’S FATHER STANDS THERE…
KONO’S FATHER: I greet you, pastor!
PASTOR: I greet you, sir. And welcome! Uh…could you please wait just a bit right there at the reception? This sister is about to leave.
KONOS FATHER (Shrugs): Very well, pastor.
PASTOR: Thank you, sir!
KONO’S FATHER GOES TO SIT OUT OF SIGHT…
PASTOR (Turns to lady): Uh…I uh…know you would have questions, the answers of which would lead to more questions. But trust me, the Lord has all the answers you need. However, in view of the elderly man who has just come…
HE TRAILS OFF. THE LADY NODS…
LADY: I quite understand, pastor. So how soon can we…?
PASTOR: Exorcise the spirit husband? Oh, as soon as you and your husband are ready.
LADY: But we are immediately. We are!
PASTOR: Good. Come back with him then. So I can tell him what and what would be required. And we can do it immediately!
LADY: Thank you, pastor.
THE LADY RISES, CHECKS IN HER SHOULDER BAG, FETCHES A FAT ENVELOPE, AND DROPS IT ON THE PASTOR’S DESK. PASTOR SMILES APPRECIATIVELY…
PASTOR: May the good Lord replenish where that came from.
LADY: Amen!
LADY WALKS OUT. PASTOR FOLLOWS HER OUT…
- INT. PASTOR’S RECEPTION. DUSK.
KONO’S FATHER IS SITTING. THE LADY WALKS OUT, FOLLOWED BY THE PASTOR. ALL GREET, AND THE LADY HEADS TOWARDS THE EXIT DOOR…
PASTOR: Warm greetings to your husband!
THE LADY LOOKS BACK, NODS, WAVES GOODBYE, AND EXITS…
PASTOR: Sir, sorry I kept you waiting. Let’s go to my office, please.
KONO’S FATHER: Uh…actually, I think we can discuss what I came for right here, pastor.
PASTOR: Oh really? I thought you came in for counselling.
KONO’S FATHER: Uh…well, not really. But in a way, it could be. I actually came to make a kind of enquiry.
PASTOR (Puzzled): I see. Excuse me then.
THE PASTOR GRABS ANOTHER CHAIR, PULLS IT CLOSE TO KONO’S FATHER, AND SITS…
PASTOR: Very well, then. First of all, I must say I have not seen you in church before. I guess, with the growth, I have not been following-
KONO’S FATHER (Cuts in): No, no, no! It has nothing to do with the growth of your church. I am not a member.
PASTOR: Oh! That explains it then. In any case, I am happy you came to me with whatever the enquiry is.
KONO’S FATHER: Very well, then. My son, Kono, is a member of your church. And the enquiry has to do with him.
PASTOR: Oh!
THE PASTOR SITS UP, PUZZLED. KONO’S FATHER LOOKS DIRECTLY INTO THE PASTOR’S EYES…
END
Based on true stories in Africa.
Written by Michael Shabu and Harry Agina
And so, it is, that Kono’s father has decided to have a chat with Kono’s funky pastor. What do you think about the pastor’s “Oh” response? Not so comfortable when he heard the name Kono, was he? I can only guess what Kono’s papa may have in mind for the pastor. We know that he admonished his son over the “Ancestral Curse” fallacy of Nigeria’s funky pastors. So, he may not be there for a buddy-buddy chat. But we can never tell how the chat will go or what papa intends to subsequently do. Neither can we guess how Kono will react to papa’s involvement in his personal life either.
And then, we have the matter of the mega Nigerian Pentecostal funky pastor who has introduced another angle to the whole matter of religions and culture in Africa. He said that “There is no such thing as African Culture.” Sincerely, as the driver of the Afro-Scope project, the words of the Sociologist to his wife in that scene are mine, exactly! The Sociologist said that the mega funky pastor is an ignorant fool. And that he truly is, because no society in the world exists without a culture, period!
Let’s watch out as all these AfroCultural and religious matters develop, as this drama series unfolds. Do remember that everything that you see on Afro-Scope is based on true stories out of Africa…no imagination, no falsehood, all reality! In fact, “Daddy Gabriel” who was introduced today is a real billionaire Pentecostal Christian pastor who is currently reigning in Nigeria. His real name is Chris Oyakhilome. As I already implored, let’s watch out as the drama unfolds; shall we, please! I am Harry Agina, the driver of the Afro-Scope and Culture-Watch-Africa project. Bye for now!
LINK TO EPISODE 9 OF “IN GOD’S NAME” 9:
