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First published March 2011

No Bullshitting!!! (By Harry Agina)

SOME TERRIBLE SOCIAL EFFECTS

Greetings, folks!

I am Harry Agina, and this is part 2 of No Bullshitting-cum-Afro-Scope common series on some principles in Christianity. It is apparent from some responses to my commentary, that some of my comments have been misconstrued by some of my readers. Specifically, my treatise titled “Sex and Hypocrisy in Christianity” met with criticism on the Nairaland.com platform. I must say that I sincerely welcome and highly appreciate the comments of my critics. Somebody cautioned me to guard against “generalization,” and “narrow (my) point of view” as I accuse Christians and pastors of hypocrisy of the sexual kind. It behooves me to try and clarify a few of my apparently misunderstood terms or statements.

          Let’s start with the theme and summary of the referenced treatise as contained in the very first paragraph as follows: “When it comes to the matter of sex and sexuality, too many Christians are doggone hypocritical, period! They often say one thing when they mean or do the exact opposite.

They are too quick to falsely proclaim, and then they have to pretend, that they possess the self- control that is required to shun sex and sexual activities. Their hypocrisy often leads to all manner of sexual ‘atrocities’ behind closed doors, and, grievously, defenseless children are most often the victims of the sexual atrocities that result from hypocrisy.” I have gone back to look at my comments more critically, and I truly do not see what constitutes undue “generalization” as pointed out by my critic. Down the line in the body of the text I expatiated conclusively on my thesis statement with, “Ultimately, my position is that too many Christians, who proclaim to shun sexual activities in public, are committing sexual “atrocities” behind closed doors every day. One step further, all in line with the basic theme of my “Invasion Of The Funky Pastors” series, I posit that there are relatively very few pastors out there who truly practice half of what they preach in the matter of sex and sexuality.”

I will repeat my assertion, indeed, with emphasis! There are too many funky pastors in the entire Christian world. Further, I affirm with alacrity that the funky pastors in Nigeria, West Africa, overwhelm the good ones in number; like 97 percent funky pastors to 3 percent good ones. My statement is research-based; Nigeria was the case study of my book on this subject, and I will not apologize for stating today’s obvious reality in the Christendom. No amount of Nigeria’s traditional hush-hush attitude to information can change this reality! I define a funky pastor as bible-toting, brainwashing, self-serving, slick- dressing, smooth-talking, wealth-seeking, blood-sucking son of Adam and Eve who preys on emotionally vulnerable believers in Christ and God. Alas, with the advent of the Invasion of Nigeria by Funky Pastors, the Christian Church, which is supposed to be the citadel of righteousness, has seen its share of moral decadence like everything else in the new Nigeria.

Now, let’s take a closer look at my phraseology and syntax in the referenced treatise, and see if we can change my critics’ minds on the “generalization” charge. Speaking of pastors in particular, my application of the underlined phrase, “too many,” grammatically implies that, even if just two out of ten pastors are funky, it is still two “too many,” considering the fact that there should be zero bad pastors in Christianity, period! I dare say that Christ did not intend for some of his pastors to be what I call “funky.” And, Christians should not accept, or even be perceived to accept that 80% righteousness, or 80% demonstration of integrity amongst our pastors is good enough. Our goal should be set at a hundred percent purity, even as we know that it can never happen with humanity.

The pastors must endeavor to demonstrate the integrity of Christ in every sphere of their lives. If they do not like the heat of our pressure on them to be righteous, then they should leave the kitchen! Nobody forces them to be pastors, and when they choose to be there, they should live above board, and be seen to live above board in morality.

I cannot stand the heat of the expectation to be morally upright at all times; no wonder I am not in the priesthood kitchen. In other words, I am not a pastor because I do not think that I possess the impeccable morality that befits a true pastor, and I do not want to deceive people that I possess it. And, unless God mysteriously anoints me to become one, I cannot see myself as a pastor any day soon.

There are certain ways that a pastor should carry himself or herself, which I know I am not cut out for. Oh, by the way, most of my sins in question are actually of the sexual- but-legal kind. That’s me, being honest about the fact that, sinful or not, I do not condemn, nor do I intend to shun sexual activities that are legal. I do strongly believe that it is much more sinful when people pretend in public that they hate sex and sexual activities, and then they turn around and commit sexual atrocities in the dark.

I insist that it is a million times worse when the culprits go by the title “pastor,” and I will tell you why! For one thing, the Christian family is getting smaller for it, as Christians who are disgusted by the activities of contemporary “funky pastors” leave the fold in numbers every day. We are supposed to trust these pastors for Chrissakes! They are supposed to lead us to heaven; rather, some of them actually behave like the devil himself in so many ways, thereby eroding the faith of so many Christians.

Check this out for a disgusting fact: Once upon a day in 2006 in Lagos, Nigeria, a pastor going by the title and name “Reverend King” decided to condemn two congregation members to death by “hell fire.” King had a church with one of those funny funkadelic names that I do not even bother myself to remember. And what were the sins of his condemned members?

They committed adultery! The Reverend simply commanded some members of the church to pour some gasoline on the ‘sinners,’ and then he personally struck a match and set them ablaze. Reverend King was soon charged for murder when one of the fire victims died in a Lagos
hospital a few days after his arrest by the police.

Now hear this: A very sick irony in the drama is that the so-called pastor, who set people ablaze for fornication and adultery, was living in sin with several women. He actually kept some of the women of his so-called church under duress in his church-cum-residence complex, and used them as sex toys. Further, his harem of women included other men’s wives that he brainwashed to leave their homes and spend days in his house, all in the name of Christ. Essentially, Reverend King was brainwashing his flock that they were not allowed to have sex for any reason, yet he could engage in all manner of sexual atrocities right before their eyes, because God said so. All this information was revealed through published eyewitness testimonies during the course of Reverend King’s trial in a Lagos law court. He was subsequently convicted in 2007, and sentenced to death by electrocution.

He is awaiting execution as I write this. Now, tell me, what is so wrong when I say it bluntly that Reverend King was a funky pastor? Who the cap fits, let him wear it, I always say! My cap will never fit anybody who is a true pastor. Like I always say also, good pastors do exist in Nigeria, but there are too many funky ones, period! Many are not as outlandish in behavior as Reverend King, but they commit equally un-Christ-like atrocities every day. And, believe me; many of them have amazing powers of mind control over their flocks.

This is a topic for another day. To demonstrate the sick brainwashing effects of some funky pastors on many Nigerian Christians, Reverend King’s charm, or whatever anybody may call it, was still at work even while he was under trial for murder. A bunch of his church members, women especially, were at the court protesting his incarceration and trial.

They were ready to lay their lives on the line to defend their belief that the Reverend did not do anything wrong. This continued up to his conviction, and all the way to his awaiting-execution days. Mind you, nobody disputed the fact that he did set the victims ablaze, and nobody denied that one of the fire victims did die. No sir! They were saying that in spite of all that, the man did not do anything wrong. They insisted that he was working on instructions from God, and had the right to burn sinful members.

I spoke with a very unfortunate young lady who was a serious emotional victim of Reverend King. In her own words, she was “dying for the opportunity to become one of his wives,” and she insisted that “he did nothing wrong.” I felt so sad and sorry for her, yet she was a perfectly healthy and happy young lady. I knew her as perfectly mentally normal long before she joined Reverend King’s church. Such are the vulnerable minds that make it very necessary to expose and condemn funky pastors, and not directly or indirectly justify their behaviors with all manner of clichés that arise from misinterpretation of the scripture.

The self-serving pastors are the manufacturers of some of those copout clichés in the first place; and then they inculcate them in their vulnerable followers. My favorite one is their new-wave fund-drive cliché: “my God is a rich God,” which they bandy as they insatiably grab for material wealth.

“My God is a rich God” is a great motivational cliché to prod Christians to be enterprising and
self-fulfilling, but, when the pastors now turn it into an excuse to amass wealth, then that has got to be sinful, I say! I do not need to cram the entire bible in my brain in order to discern this; my God-given common sense tells me so. I do not blame some Christians who get so disgusted with the pastors that they simply renounce The Christian Church. Some of them do not necessarily renounce Christianity, mind you; just The Church. They stop going to church on Sundays because they have been disappointed by one pastor too many.

I do speak on this from experience. In conclusion, I want to thank the respondent to my “Sex & Hypocrisy in Christianity” treatise, who advised me to be less generalizing. Do remember, however, that even if we have only one out of ten pastors to be bad, it is still one too many, and, implying this with carefully chosen phrase does not constitute undue generalization. If we do not criticize the 10% failure in our pastors today; it will degenerate to 50%, and then worse, until, one day, it reverses to 90% bad, and 10% good pastors in the Christendom, and even worse. Indeed, believe it or not, it has actually gotten that bad in Nigeria. Also remember this: that we wish for more good pastors than bad ones does not make it so; there are truly many devil’s incarnates out there who call themselves pastors. I have not said that there are no good ones; I am saying that one should be careful about who one picks as a good pastor, that’s all. I do have kids, and, knowing what I know now, I would rather pretend that every pastor out there is funky and not trust anybody unconditionally with my kids, than trust too much and regret it later! How about you?