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NOTE: This was just recently uploaded here, however, it was actually first published on February 5, 2017. Importantly, the situation of Nigeria’s Contemporary Commercialized Christianity and the crooks called pastors is getting worse. 

Hello there! This is Harry Agina. In 2016, I started on this and other platforms what I intended to be a Sunday-Sunday-Medicine kind of series to enlighten Nigeria’s ignorant extremist bunch of so-called born-again Pentecostal Christians. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a hypocrite, and I confess that it is not all about being a nice guy with an idea to save the world from herself; no sir! It was partly a ploy to publicize and sell a book that I’m about to publish, which is titled THE INVASION OF THE FUNKY PASTORS, subtitled CHURCH BUSINESS AT WAR WITH THE AFRICAN CULTURE. But, do believe me that I am truly passionate about jarring some ignorant Christians awake from the slavish spell of their funky pastors, who brainwash them with corrupt funky interpretations of the holy bible.

Unfortunately, I have not been able to keep up with the Sunday-Sunday-Medicine as I had hoped, because I’m a working man, you know, and I have to make a living. Unlike the funky pastors, my tool to make a living is certainly not the holy bible and its contents. But when I woke up this morning, I was in the spirit; somebody please shout hallelujah! Yes, indeed!!! The spirit commanded me to minister unto somebody today; oh yes, indeed! Mr. Spirit told me to try to save one little girl or more from the funky pastors and other hypocritical Christians today. You’d better belief he did!!! In fact, Mr. Spirit actually pulled me up from bed and forced my doggone lazy hands unto my laptop computer to start the writing; yes indeed, he did!!!

You probably do not believe me, no, I take that back; I mean you certainly do not believe me now because I’m just ordinary Harry without a holy bible. Maybe you think I’m Dirty Harry, right? Please note that I do not intend to insult my readers with condescending words; no sir!!! Such words are meant for our ignorant brothers and sisters out there who truly need help. And, don’t take the intelligence and knowledge that you have for granted; you’d better believe that majority of Nigeria’s so-called born-again Pentecostal Christians are amazingly ignorant; they are all-round slaves to the funky pastors today—financial slaves, emotional slaves, sex slaves! My angle today is sex and hypocrisy in the Christendom, especially as it relates to defilement of innocent children. That’s the message that Mr. Spirit put into me this morning; somebody please say amen!!!

Mr. Spirit commanded me to call the attention of ignorant parents (especially mothers) to the danger in entrusting their little children (especially girl child) in the hands of male Christian “brothers.” It is a warning to those that OVERLY TRUST their pastors and other religious brethren, to the detriment of their defenseless children (especially the girl child). The warning goes double with funky pastors, and it is born of the knowledge of abounding true-life incidents! When it comes to the matter of sex and sexuality, too many Christians are doggone hypocritical, period! They often say one thing when they mean or do the exact opposite. They are too quick to proclaim that sexual activities are wrong and bad, and then they have to pretend, that they possess the self-control that is required to shun sex and sexual activities. Their hypocrisy often leads to all manner of sexual ‘misbehaviors’ behind closed doors. Grievously, defenseless children are most often the victims of the sexual atrocities that result from such hypocrisy.

A RELATED MILD EXAMPLE OF HYPOCRICY: Here is an excerpt of a comment posted on Nairaland.com platform on the net on January 23, 2011, by a housewife, apparently a Nigerian, who decided to report the “sins” of her husband to the entire world: “My born-again husband watches pornographic movies. He watches it late in the night. It started when I was pregnant, of course I understand that one because I couldn’t do it (with him) that time; and also it’s better than committing adultery. We had a talk after I delivered; that there will be no indecency and that I will try and give him ‘some’” A number of people responded to this comment—on the Nairaland platform and off—with a variety of comments and advice. Somebody advised the woman on the platform not to report her husband to their pastor. Another person teased (not on the Nairaland platform), that reporting ‘the sinner’ to a pastor does not really make things any better.

The undertone of this comment is that the pastor to whom the housewife wanted to report the sin might be guilty of the same sin, similar sin, or even worse sexual sins. Too many Christians are doggone hypocritical, period! They often say one thing when they mean or do the exact opposite. The husband reported on the Nairaland platform got into trouble because he did not come right out in the beginning to tell his wife that he is fond of pornography. He had pretended to be “born-again” like his wife, who’s probably also pretending not to be fond of pornography. Who knows; it’s probably a matter of who was caught doing it! If they had been non-hypocritical, they probably would discover that they both like pornography and they would enjoy it together. Or, at least, everybody would determine whether they had irreconcilable differences that would negatively affect their marriage. Westerners, especially Americans, are much less hypocritical about such matters.

The truth of the matter is that God made humankind with sexual desires, and, MERE HUMAN PRONOUNCEMENT that a person has become a pastor (even true pastors) does not necessarily automatically switch off all those desires that God put in us. The key issue here, therefore, is self-control, otherwise called self-discipline. Christians are too quick to proclaim to possess the self-control that is required to shun sex and sexual activities, but they don’t. So, they have to pretend to have it. It is common knowledge that all manner of sexual abuse abound in the Christendom, which are products of hypocrisy.  Contrary to their true feelings, hypocritical Christians have to put up the front that they are not sexually aroused. Some actually pretend to abhor sex. This is common with pastors and other “men of God.” Indeed, by virtue of their positions, it behooves some of them to damn sexual activities of various kinds in public. Now, that is the problem—just because it behooves one to damn sexual activities in public does not automatically extinguish sexual desires in one. Keyword here is ‘BEHOOVE,’ which implies that the person is condemning sex only because it is EXPECTED OF HIM to do so, and not because he or she really wants to shun or condemn sex.

A “man of God” may have this obligation placed upon him by his office, but, unless he truly has the anointing from God to give him the spiritual strength to suppress sexual desires and urges, he is still the intrinsic sexual animal that many of us are. Indeed, if we really want to be honest about this, even those who are truly anointed do often succumb to temptation and go astray, too. Ultimately, my position is that too many Christians, who proclaim to shun sexual activities in public, are committing sexual “atrocities” behind closed doors every day. One step further, in line with the basic theme of my “Invasion Of The Funky Pastors” series, I posit that there are relatively very few pastors out there who truly practice half of what they preach about sex and sexuality. MORE GRIEVOUSLY, TOO MANY OF THEM ARE GETTING AWAY WITH SEXUAL ATROCITIES SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CLAIM TO BE MEN OF GOD. This is due to the gullibility of many Christian minds that are plagued with ignorance, who believe that pastors are never wrong. Sadly, some extremists actually believe that even if a pastor is caught red-handed doing anything wrong, a true Christian should pretend as if nothing happened and leave the judgment to God.

Trust Nigerian funky pastors to capitalize on this weakness to the max! Unfortunately, very often the victims of sex crimes that result from hypocrisy are innocent defenseless children. The reason is simple—the erring hypocrites have proclaimed to the adult world that they have no interest in sexual activities. When the natural urge comes, and it always does—because the culprits in my scenario have no spiritual anointing to resist it—they are too embarrassed to approach adults to satisfy the same desire that they publicly proclaim to abhor. The way out for many pastors in this situation is to molest children and intimidate them not to report the act to anybody. Alas, every day in the Christian world, children are molested in great numbers in this manner.

In ‘open’ societies such as US and parts of Europe, many cases are exposed and the culprits brought to book, because children have been enlightened to report any abuse by anybody, regardless of social position. The case is quite different in less open societies, however. My case study, Nigeria, is one of those less open societies where, generally, sexual offenders prey on children undetected. Chances of detection dwindle many times over when an offender has a holy bible in hand and goes by the title “pastor.” Indeed, a child that is bold enough to point accusing finger at a pastor in Nigeria is most likely accused of blasphemy, and given the beating of his or her life in some cases. Once again, I say to the gullible Christians out there who believe that it is okay to leave their children in the unsupervised care of any man who claims to be a pastor—stop it! The Holy Spirit sent me to say so…somebody give me a loud amen! Do remember, it does not matter if the child is male or female, some debased pastors (male or female) do not always differentiate between girl and boy; they are often homosexual.