August 3, 2022
FROM YAHOO-YAHOO MONEY TO RITUAL MONEY
Greetings!
I am Harry Agina. Folks, our dramatist, Michael Shaibu, has decided to go a little spiritual on us this time. His new series is on money-making through “Human-Sacrifice-Ritual,” in Africa. He wants to address a new craze of belief in making money through spiritual means by contemporary Nigerian youngsters. Unfortunately, this belief is currently causing a lot of mayhem in Nigeria. All of a sudden, every motherfucking lazy-ass idiotic youngster out there wants to make huge money quick. They don’t want to do this through hard-work; no sir, no ma’am! They want the money through spiritual means.
There are two kinds of motherfuckers in this lazy-ass spiritual quest for money mode in Nigeria now. One kind of hunters believe that the Almighty God will throw down money from heaven to them. They are Christian fools who are misled by a new-wave of crooks, who are called Pentecostal pastors these days. The crooks brainwash the fools to believe that the Almighty God will throw down money that they do not work for. Mind you, the zombified fools have to first empty their bank accounts to the crooks who are called pastors. In essence, my typical fools virtually bribe the crooks for God’s miracles. This is done in the name of tithe, offerings, and “sowing-seed.” Their main anti-social problem is that they are lazy. They want to sit around all day in and around so-called churches, worshiping the crooks who they call pastors, and waiting in vain for the miracle of God to throw down money to them. This is not an AfriCultural tradition. It is of an imported foreign culture that is powered by Christianity. Sadly, this imported culture has been badly bastardized in Africa, by Africans, championed by Nigerians. They ain’t got no fucking idea what true Godly Christianity is all about.
The second kind of lazy-ass spiritual money hunters are traditional. This kind are not patient enough to wait for the miracles of God Almighty. You know, God doesn’t answer our gazillion calls for miracles very commonly or quickly; and this kind of spiritual money-hunters are not ready to wait forever. So, they subscribe to the quick-fix avenue of the smaller gods of Africa, whose response is supposed to be instant. This kind of spiritual money hunters are more deadly.
Miracle-hunting Pentecostal fools bribe the crooks called pastors with tithe and offerings for miraculous money from heaven. But the ritualists pay human blood to the smaller gods of Africa, to the same end. They kill people to use as sacrificial lambs to the gods; and they are commonly called ritual-killers for money.
Naturally, we are going to address some pertinent questions in this InfoTaining AfroCultural miniseries. For instance, does ritual human sacrifice actually produce miraculous wealth, and how, if so? All that to come on NBB’s “AfroCultural Drama” Series, as Michael Shaibu’s new series unfolds. It is titled, “Blowback.” Here we go:
AFROCULTURAL DRAMAS ON MONEY-MAKING HUMAN-RITUAL-SACRIFICING IN AFRICA, TITLED “BLOWBACK,” EPISODE 1
- SITTING ROOM. DUSK.
DÉCOR IS SCANTY BUT TASTEFUL. EVIDENCE OF “YAHOO-YAHOO” LIFESTYLE ABOUNDS. TOBA AND BUDE (IN THEIR 30s) SIT ON DIFFERENT COUCHES, VERY BUSY ON THEIR LAPTOPS…
TOBA (Jubilant): Yes! Ope o! Omo! Haba! E come be like say all the village people are after only me!
BUDE STOPS AND TURNS TO FACE TOBA, EXPECTING NEWS…
TOBA: If I were not so dogged, I’d have given up long ago! Being dogged pays sha! Ope o!
BUDE: Are you waiting for me to ask what the good news is before you tell me or what?
TOBA (Smiles): And is that too much to wait for?
BUDE: Oh? Choke on it then.
BUDE FOCUSES BACK ON HIS LAPTOP AND BEGINS TO TYPE AWAY…
TOBA (Laughs): Jealousy! Anyway, the good news is that my mugu will call me in 20 minutes.
BUDE: Oh, congratulations to you then.
TOBA: Congratulations to me? We are communal in everything, man. You forgot? This is congratulations to us!
BUDE (More excited): Yeah. You’re very correct.
TOBA: Of course, I am correct. Let’s just hope Tochi gets back before my mugu calls. Na him fit speak the passable oyibo accent.
BUDE (Smiles): I am sure he will be back before then.
TOBA: I hope so. In the meantime, let me fix us something to eat.
BUDE: Thanks, man! I am famished!
TOBA WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN…
- INT. DINNING. DUSK.
BUDE AND TOBA ARE EATING. TOBA IS LOOKING VERY SAD. TOCHI WALKS IN THE FRONT DOOR AND GREETS. NO ONE ANSWERS. TOCHI WALKS OVER TO THE DINING, SITS, AND LOOKS AT HIS TWO PALS, WONDERING WHY THE SILENCE…
TOBA (Grudgingly): There is food in the kitchen.
TOCHI: What is the matter, guys? Why the cold shoulder? What did I do?
BUDE: You came back later than you said you would. We usually call when anything delays us.
TOBA (Angrily): And we called you. And your phone rang each time. But did you pick? No! Now deny that, let’s see.
TOCHI: No, I can’t deny it. And I am sorry I got you worried. I didn’t know you cared so much about me to get that worried.
BUDE AND TOBA LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN A WAY THAT MEANS TOCHI IS CRAZY TO THINK SO. THEY TURN BACK TO FACE TOCHI…
BUDE: Listen my guy! Forget about getting us worried. You never did. You won’t. We are all grownups here!
TOCHI: So what is the anger about?
BUDE: You caused us a huge potential loss!
TOCHI (Confused): But how?!
TOBI: My mugu called. And only you have the passable oyibo accent to speak to her and make her believe you live in the US there. I didn’t want to risk anything. So, I didn’t pick it. If she does not call back, it is all on you!
TOCHI: Aawww! I am oh so sorry about that. I agree that such could be very frustrating. I am sorry.
BUDE ONLY SHAKES HIS HEAD IN RESPONSE. TOBI ONLY LOOKS AT TOCHI AND THEN LOOKS AWAY. TOCHI IS SILENT FOR A WHILE AS IF IN THOUGHT. THEN HE BEGINS TO SMILE. THEN HE BEGINS TO CHUCKLE. THEN HE BEGINS TO LAUGH. BOTH BUDE AND TOBI ARE PUZLED…
TOBI: Now, what is funny? You think what you did was funny? Well, news flash: saying sorry hasn’t undone it!
TOCHI: Take it easy, man! I am not laughing because I think what I did is funny. But do you think it was for nothing that I didn’t pick my call? I could not pick it where I was. It was forbidden. And I went there on behalf of three of us.
BUDE: What are you talking about?!
TOCHI: Let me get my food. And I will tell you both what I have discussed. You both will be eternally indebted to me for this.
TOCHI RISES AND WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN. BOTH TOBI AND BUDE LOOK AT EACH OTHER, PUZZLED…
Cross to…
- INT. SITTING ROOM. DUSK.
BUDE AND TOBA SIT ON THE DOUBLE SEATER. TOCHI SITS ON A SINGLE SEATER WITH HIS FOOD ON A SIDE STOOL. BOTH BUDE AND TOBA ARE NOW LOOKING AT TOCHI, SHOCKED…
TOCHI: Why do you guys look so shocked?
BUDE: Because what you did is shocking! Who told you that is what we want?
TOCHI: But you all know that this business is no longer as easy as it used to be. Not only are those mugus getting wiser, the EFCC is always raiding guys. And sometimes, with very scarce money that we didn’t even make from mugus, we settle EFCC operatives just so we could be left alone.
TOBA: Still, money ritual is not the solution. Have you considered the fact that most money rituals require human sacrifice?
BUDE: Did you say “most”? I don’t know of any that does not require human sacrifice!
TOCHI: The Baba told me it is not all that requires human sacrifice. And he even said it is not the same for all. His oracle determines what each person’s ritual entails.
THEY FALL SILENT FOR A LONG TIME. BUDE AND TOBA THINK ABOUT IT. TOCHI SITS LOOKING AT THEM, WAITING TO HEAR THEIR DECISION…
TOCHI: Well…?
TOBA: When do we go and see the Baba?
TOCHI SMILES…
Fade to black…
END
And so, the drama will continue to unfold, as Michael Shaibu takes us on a journey into the evil act of “ritual human sacrifice” in parts of Africa. Sadly, as I said already, this evil is currently trending and rampant in Nigeria, West Africa. Mind you, sacrifices to gods is a good AfriCultural tradition, recently gone-terrible in contemporary Nigeria. Yes, it is indeed African, to make sacrifices to the gods in African traditional religion. But, in the good old days, it was done with animals and farm products, especially yams in some parts. Except in very few exceptional instances, butchering and sacrificing human beings in attempt to make wealth was not part of the rituals. It is a new evil trend. We shall give you those few exceptional instances that involved human sacrifice in the ancient days, as this series unfolds.
In Nigeria, this new evil trend of human sacrifice has become very scary quite lately. I call it another one of the evil phenomena of the incumbent Nigerian president, Mohammadu Buhari. There is no doubt about the fact that it has gone wild since the emergence of Buhari as president of Nigeria in 2015. I will personally tell you why-and-how it has happened, in my augmentation contribution, as Michael Shaibu’s “Blowback” unfolds, on NBB’s “AfroCultural Dramas” series.
Your only contribution is to oblige us and stay in touch with the No Bullshitting Blog. We do appreciate you.
HERE’S THE LINK TO “BLOWGACK” EPISODE 2:
AFROCULTURAL DRAMAS ON MONEY RITUAL IN AFRICA, “BLOWBACK,” 2