April 5, 2016

No Bullshitting!! (By Harry Agina)



Greetings, folks!

I am Harry Agina, and this is No Bullshitting, the radical Socio-Political Critic of Africa. Would somebody please explain this to me— Why is it that every ex-governor of Nigeria who is called upon to answer to charges of stealing and money laundering, quickly comes down with one stupid ailment or the other?!!! Do note the unorthodox exclamation marks following my question mark. I was actually yelling like a mad man as I read the news that Ibori, just like all the other arraigned or convicted ex-governors, has fallen sick in jail. This question spontaneously dropped on my mind, and I had to put it down on print for you to answer. Yes, you! I insist that every Nigerian who reads this piece owes me an answer to the question! And I repeat, why do all Nigerian ex-governors fall sick as soon as they get arrested for stealing our money, meeeeeeeeeeeen?!!!

I also wish that somebody would tell me why our federal government has to fly the thieving ex-governors abroad for medical treatment each time they decide to play dead. For crying fucking out, those monsters had the duty to provide us with modern hospitals with standard medical facilities while they were in office for eight whole years. But they preferred to steal all the funds instead. I must insist that their getting medical treatment abroad is a huge insult to the rest of Nigerians. Our government flies them abroad for medical treatments whenever they play dead to evade or delay their court trial, meeeeeeen!!!

The motherfucking ex-governors destroyed our medical system, and they should be forced to suffer the consequences. They should be forced to receive all their medical treatments in those rots that people call hospitals in Nigeria. Other Nigerians are suffering and dying due to the terrible health system, and the evil motherfuckers who destroyed the system jet out for medication even when they have ordinary cough. I say that all the leaders who deny Nigerians simple functional hospitals, should be forced to die in Nigerian hospitals, period! By flying them abroad for medical treatment, we are actually clearly implying that they are superior to other Nigerians that are dying everyday in the rot called hospitals in the country. If you ask me, and even if you don’t ask me, I still say that the ex-governors are obviously inferior to average Nigerians because they are common criminals who destroyed our economy. They have to be made to suffer in the same rotten hospitals, just like every other average Nigerian. In fact, they should be put in the worst of all the hospitals in Nigeria, because they were responsible for the destruction of those hospitals.

While you ponder on my two opening questions, I will offer a few speculations of mine on the first question. For a start, I suggest that the ex-governors fall sick as soon as they sight the Nigerian prison, probably because they are simply a bunch of Yellow Jellies who quiver with fear at the mere thought of a little trouble or hardship. In other words, they are not nearly as tough as they would want us to believe when they were oppressing us in the streets with a bunch of trigger-happy gunmen in police uniforms. In essence, they were tough enough to do the crime, but have no liver to do the time.

Or, maybe all the ex-governors have a common syndrome called ‘Aje-Kpako to Aje-Butter, and back to Aje-Kpako’ phobia. Try making some sense out of that one if you dare; I’m not so sure that I would, if I were you..hahaha. Of course, I’ve got to educate my non-Nigerian readers on the “Aje-kpako” and “Aje-butter” Nigerian lingo first. Briefly, “Aje-kpako” stands for poor or regular guy; while “Aje-butter” stands for a rich guy. Someone living in opulence. It’s akin to saying “silver-spoon” brought-up guy, versus “wooden-spoon” dude, I guess.

Anyway, the gist of my analogy is that most of the ex-governors were very poor Aje-kpako dudes before their ungodly fortune of becoming governor. Now they have tested the stupendous Aje-butter life with our stolen money, and gotten soft. So, the mere thought of going back to their wretched Aje-kpako life, this time in prison, scares the living daylight out of them. I do wonder if their “do-or-die” baba, ex-president Obasanjo, is quivering yet. He should be doing much more than quivering if you ask me. Somebody should be making up his former prison room to receive him in the nearest future, if Buhari’s current anti-corruption zeal is sustained. I do hope that we will eventually force Obasanjo’s cronies who are still in power as the Attorney General of the Federation, and the EFCC Chief, to arraign the old do-or-die General. God knows that he committed enough atrocities while in office as the crime gang leader of the ex-governors. If the governors are being prosecuted, Obasanjo should have been nailed first.

Who knows, maybe the gods of the land will save us all the legal trouble and strike him first for some of his abominable sins. I mean, the dude seemed to enjoy banging other men’s greedy wives who went to him for favors. If the gods should forgive him for all the other wives that he allegedly violated, I doubt that he would escape their wrath for banging the wife of his own son, Gbenga Obasanjo.  Hey, I didn’t make this up, guys; his son Gbenga publicly told us himself in January 2008.

If and when Obasanjo is finally arraigned, I am sure that he will fall sick just like the rest of the looters of our treasury. I am also sure that, like fools, we will fall for his con game and fly him to England or USA for treatment. Meanwhile, thousands of honest and deserving Nigerians are dying everyday in the rot called hospitals in Nigeria. Facts are now emerging that Obasanjo and his cronies destroyed our Teaching Hospitals with fake, substandard and dead medical facilities. Yet, the moment any of them has a mere headache, off to the west he goes, for treatment with our stolen money. Meanwhile, the rest of us who did not have the privilege to steal from our treasury, continue dying in the rot called hospitals in Nigeria.

As always, my major grouse is with the entire Nigerians who sit back and accept the bullshit. I am miffed that we have not grown to the revolutionary agitation that is strong enough to force our so-called leaders to die in the same hospitals that they destroyed. I am specially pissed off with our compromised criminals that we call judges in our court system. Ummm huh, those judges who grant the looters of our wealth, ex-governors and others, the bail to travel abroad for medical treatment are compromised crooks, and saboteurs, too. They are saboteurs because they are allowing such arraigned thieves to get away with the destruction of our health system. The judges should deny bail to the arraigned ex-governors and the other looting crooks in Nigeria. That way, the crooks are forced to receive treatment in the hospitals that they destroyed. It would then be my prayer that they all die in those rots called hospitals. I tell ya, this is one sure pragmatic way to force present leaders to fix our hospitals in a jiffy. Anything short of this prescription is what I call Nigeria’s “Talk-na-talk” syndrome…no “Talk-na-do,” meeeeeeeen!!!

Another possibility about the sudden illness of all our arraigned ex-governors is play-acting. It could they specialize in a game of play-acting and deceit to con their way out of prison and evade justice. I call it playing dead to evade justice. Like the smart “touch-and-die” plant, they play dead in order to avoid being ‘killed.’ And, like the “touch-and-die” plant, they quickly come back to life as soon as the looming danger disappears. It is clear that some of the ex-governors play sick in order to garner public sympathy and some sort of judicial leniency, such as bail from custody. Well, I don’t know about anybody else, but I do know that I personally have no such stupid sympathy for a man that wanted me dead when he was power drunk just a few months back. Go ahead and be nice and decent in language if you like, but I sure don’t give a fuck if they all drop dead, meeeeeeeeeen!!!

Indeed, I actually encountered one of those monsters who are called governors during their reign of terror on the Onitsha-to-Benin highway when I visited Nigeria in 2005. Their trigger-happy police-uniformed thugs did threaten to shoot me unless I quickly drove into the bush to make way for the almighty governor. No kidding; the so-called police officers actually menacingly pointed their guns at me in readiness to shoot. I cannot swear to this, but somebody in my car identified my crazy attackers as the then almighty Governor Ibori and his convoy of henchmen. Everybody in Nigeria knew how brutally oppressive those so-called governors were during the Hurricane Obasanjo era. And now we want to pity them when they cough! Some Nigerians are actually sick enough to protest their incarceration. What a crazy society, meeeeeeeeeeeen!!!

Now, whichever way I look at it, I still say we should lock them all up and throw away the keys forever once we find them guilty as charged. I don’t give a fuck whether they are ill or not. I am very sick and tired of the federal government’s wasteful practice of flying them out to western countries for medical treatment. If they must fall sick whenever they get arrested, then treat them right in this country inside their prison, just like every other Nigerian. They created the rot in our hospitals, so they should die in it, if necessary, just like every other Nigerian…No Bullshitting!



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